(the first draft)
About politics and the November Election
Warning: Satire Included at No Charge
Well, Bill Shakespeare was back in town, this time he was shouting:
"Many a truth is spoken in jest, I mean it." So I called a buddy in
the Casa Blanca and asked for a copy of Holders' speech to the
pastors he expects to reach 10 million people. I have streamlined
it so it will fit here, and the sarcasm is all mine.
My dear beloved pastor friends; I come before you with some matters
of great importance today. I need to discuss with you the importance
of the November election, most important in history, we all know.
If brother barry loses, I will have to go back to work. Don't want to
But for this election, please remember some important facts, I will
place them in order of importance, so you can preach on them every
Sunday till the
These will all have to do with the 10 commandments. I know you
are familar with them, but there are some alterations we need to
According to my authority as the chief law enforcement officer in
the land of the free and home of the brave, you all have my
permission to make the following changes:
1. The first commandment shall be changed to read, thou shalt
have no other deities before Barry. For the next six months, Barry
is the be all, end all and fiddle with middle law. His name is to be
bowed down to, and you need to teach your people to praise him.
2. The second commandment shall be changed to, thou shalt make
as many images of Barry as possible, and bow to them. I am
aware that his name and face are almost everywhere, but I will not
be happy until everytime everyone of your people open their eyes,
they will see an image of Barry.
3. The third commandment is changed to, thou shalt not take the
name of Barry in vain. No bad words about Barry, nothing in
a light hearted manner, nothing about Michelle, their vacations,
his basketball, his golfing every weekend; only good words about
Barry. And remember, big brother is listening.
4. The fourth commandment is now: remember the sabbath day
to brainwash thy people. This is serious business brothers, we
cannot afford any free thinkers here. Don't take a day off until
my job is secure for four more years.
5. The fifth commandment is changed to: honor thy president
and thy first lady, that it may go well with thee and thine. Your
family is now the family in the House White, you know, Casa
Blanca. Your birth family takes second place to Barry and
Michelle, always remember to put them first, 'cause they are
the first family.
6. The sixth commandment is now, thou shalt kill babies and
anyone who Barry thinks is a terrorist. Remember now, this
is Barry and Barry is right about everything. Just do as he
says and don't question it.
7. The seventh commandment is now: thou shalt accept gay
marriage, why, because your supreme leader, Barry says so.
He evolved in his thinking, and we had to change the biblical
commandment. It's okay, he is Barry, just do it.
8. The eight command has been changed to, stealing is okay,
as long as you take from the 1% and give it to banks, unions
and anyone who voted for Barry. Here again, we had to change
a few things, but, hey, Barry says it's okay. Viva Barry, long
live the king!
9. The ninth commandment had to change also: thou shalt
lie as much and as often as possible, as long as it benefits
Barry. We all know that we should tell the truth, if we can,
but when you want to keep the White House, and keep Brother
Barry in power, hey, lying is now okay. After all, our Brother
Barry does it all the time,
10. The tenth is also a bit different now, with Barry in the
White House; coveting yourneighbor's house, wife, servant,
interns, his ox, his ass, and anything that you need that you
don't have -- is now okay. Why? Because Brother Barry needs
the Occupy Movement to keep the White House safe for us for
the next, oh, 50 or so years.
Now, thanks for coming, make sure you get a copy of this to
pass out to your 10 million hearers, and remember to pray
err, for Barry, and now let's have a hymn led by Brother
Sharpton while Brother Jesse passes the plate for a love
offering. Please give till it hurts.
Pass this out at church!