Saturday, March 05, 2011

Hasn't Happened Yet, But It's Only a Matter of Time!

The Happy Hospitalist alerts us all to a very common, but troubling event that takes place in hospitals across the country on a daily basis. It is not for the faint of heart, so if you have an over active vagus nerve you should probably look away at this point....

OK. So what's a hospitalist to do? I dropped my hospital pager in the toilet today, before I had a chance to flush. I didn't even flinch. I reached right in a pulled it out.

I'm not sure I really had a choice? If I flushed it, I'm sure it would have clogged the toilet of the 450 pound guy in room 728 with explosive diarrhea.
I couldn't do that to the nurses. So I reached right in and grabbed it, bare hands and all, then quickly grabbed some paper towels to place it on, wiped it dry, took the battery out, wiped it dry, put it all back together and then realized there was a water bubble under the screen and the beeper chirp it made sounded like the time for palliative pager care was near.
I made a paper towel coffin for him, washed my hands and after a moment of respectful silence, I carried the pager out to show my partners and learned that they too had experienced a similar death of their beloved pager in years past. After a moment of prayer for our lost friend we hold close to our hearts, I carried my poor buddy out to the operators area and explained what happened. They laughed and told me me to throw it in the garbage.
Rest in peace Mr Pager. Rest in peace. You will never be bothered again.

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